How to deal with hurtful in-laws?

I have had trouble with my in-laws from the beginning. I really don't know what I need to do about how I feel with them. It started with the mother in-law. She said that I was controlling and didn't allow him to see his parents. Really it wasn't that I didn't want him to see them more like I wanted him to take up for me for how I was treated. At a mother's day dinner she told him not to bring me and she just wanted him there which would have been ok for them to spend time but why was her other kids girlfriend/boyfriends allowed. If it where my family saying he wasn't welcome then I would have to say then I'm not welcome. I wanted him to move in with me but he couldn't because he said his mom would drop his insurance and he couldn't afford his own policy because of his age and record. Not long after he ended up buying a quad and spent his weekends riding instead of coming to see me. I didn't mind him riding but I wanted to ride with him to spend time together but he said that it would be too much weight on the quad which would be understanding but at a cook out he took his sister for a ride on it and to remind you she was a lot heavier than I was. I wasn't mad that she got to ride, it was the fact that he didn't bother to take me riding. The whole time they went up the road his mom was starring obviously at me with a satisfaction as if ha ha. His cuz told me the mom and sis wanted her to get him away from me and fix him up with someone else. I might be more mad at him for putting me on the back burner and not taking up for me with them or maybe I'm just jealous of them and in denial? Do you think there is a reason to be? Even though this has been over 10 years ago it still hurts even though his mother has said sorry but is she truly because now I have trouble with his sister the mom acts as if now that my husband has stopped talking to his sis it's just me being manipulating. Its just me causing the trouble. His sis never came around ,has been to our house 5 times for my sons birthday party in 7 years. Last year she didn't even call to tell my son happy birthday until her mother told her about it and she called 2 days later to tell him. We have always got her children things for their birthday even if we didn't get to make it to the party. I had a birthday dinner for my husband she didn't even come, didn't even call to say she wasn't but had her mother tell him and said she couldn't because the baby had a bad rash but months later she was out and about and the child had yet another rash so whats the difference. When we did get along and had talked she always had something bad to say about everyone and a lot was unreasonable. I had offered to watch her children if she went back to work. She complained that her mother didn't want to watch them when she needed. She still didn't allow me to watch them and when she needed a babysitter after her mom quit doing it she posted on facebook that she was looking for a Good Babysitter. What is that to say about me? A year ago she had a lump on her and had to have it checked which is scary but she tells my husband/her brother about it. She is conservative and to share that info to him is very uncomfortable for me. I myself couldn't share that with my brother or father unless I knew I had cancer but later that day she asked me if he told me about it and he didn't so she told me and I was like to help you feel a little about it most % its benign and my mother and aunt had them and checked and it was benign but she acted as I didn't know what I was talking about and the lump was large as though it was cancer and it had to be. I just dropped it and left her think whatever. She had the test done and she still hasn't said to us if it was benign or not so I take it that it was. She had asked my husband to plow snow from her driveway which I don't have any problem with him helping his sister but she has a husband who is off work 3 days a week and my husband is only off work 1 day a week and sometimes every 3 weeks he gets 2 days off to spend with his family so why isn't her husband doing it? My husband did it and then does it again the next day in which I did get mad over because he could have spent time at home with us and her husband could have done it. But I did talk to my husband about this and how she acts toward me and she never comes around so now we just don't talk to his sister unless she has talked to us and she didn't bother. We didn't tell her happy birthday because she didn't bother to tell my son till she was told and she deletes us all from her facebook/myspace even my son and he didn't even do a thing to her. That's how we communicated most. I'm tired of the constant crap from her and it feels good to not deal with her but now I feel guilty and wonder is it just me or is it her with a problem.Then I wonder is